You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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