I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
