fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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