fuck your aforementioned shoe
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
