he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
