I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
