but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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