You're completely useless in the revolution.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
