Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
