Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
