Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
