He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
