Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
