Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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