don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm always down for nudity.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
