mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
