It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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