nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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