Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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