i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
