Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
