Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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