They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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