So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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