can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
