It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
