wakey wakey hands off snakey
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
