I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
