Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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