I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
