I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
