HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
