Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
