The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
