I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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