First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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