She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
