dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
