I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
