tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
