Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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