wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
