I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
