I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
