Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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