literally had 100 drinks last night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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