party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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