When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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