Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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