at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
