Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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