but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
